This feels pretty surreal.
I've been building the concept of this site for over a year now. To see it live and fully-functional evokes a sense of pride that comes from the sincerest place of my heart. I'm going to do great things with this. Now that the machine is up and running, it almost feels like I can finally relax for a minute.
Alas, while the feeling of "job well done" is truly satisfying to experience, it doesn't seem to last long. Not for me at least. As soon as it sets in, it dually begins to dissolve. As the satisfaction subsides I'm left with its opposite - a hunger for more. How can I make it better? How can I better my chances of doing what I love for a living? Thoughts like these flood my conscience and reawaken my focus. That same focus that foolishly thought it could take a break, kick up its feet for a while maybe. No time for that. I've got problems to solve, moves to make that won't make themselves. If you have a passion and a vision for your future, you can relate.
For the longest time, I couldn't imagine a downside to that word - focus. It's what we use to get things done. It helps us solve problems. Helps us pass the test, write the song, beat the boss. The list goes on. But in retrospect, not all is well. It also brings out my anxiety. A seemingly constant low level of panic that is only still when I'm asleep. Those thoughts of uncertainty fuel my focus. I feel as though if I don't do it, no one will, and that feeling has been validated numerous times throughout my career as a musician. However, I don't like the fact that my focus tends to come with a mental downside. I've been trying to remedy the problem by telling myself that it's all going to work out in the end; that all of my hard work could never be in vain. But how can I know that's true? The answer is I can't, and that has to be okay. Right now it isn't.
When it comes to my anxiety, I'm trying to learn how to separate the good from the bad. I think that without it, I would not get as much done. I would risk growing complacent. But that doesn't mean that it should cause me to become depressed or withdrawn. That's why I love making music. I can express these conflicting thoughts using a medium that is accessible to anyone. It's like a blank canvas that I can either paint with elegance or mania - but the choice will always be mine to make.
I'm a dreamer. I have big goals and aspirations for myself and for this company. I want to make music and help others do the same for a living, and I am dead set on achieving that goal. If you have goals, don't let your own anxiety or self doubt stop you from obtaining them. You are your own harshest critic. Everything else is just noise. Put out the song, make the move, take the risk. Find your focus and get it done. You will be blown away by what you can accomplish when you learn to silence the chatter that surrounds you and pursue your vision dogmatically. I certainly was.