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Lately I've been really struggling with this word and its true meaning. I'm the type of person that can't sit still for longer than 5 minutes. I have a consistent feeling of restlessness. Like there's always something that I should be doing. If I'm not doing something, I think that I must have forgotten what I'm supposed to be doing, even if there really is nothing for me to do. I'm trying to determine where this comes from - specifically if it comes from a bad place or a good place. After all, everyone deserves to relax. The Lord created every week to end with a day of rest for a reason. In other words, there's nothing wrong with not doing anything at all every now and then.

The reason why I question whether or not this comes from a good place is because I question the motivation that's behind the philosophy. Is it because I'm worried about what everyone else is doing? Is it because I care too much about how I'm perceived by my peers? If these are the driving forces behind my resistance to relaxation, whether it be mental or physical, then clearly I need to re-assess my priorities. My dad always told me to never play the comparison game. It's a dirty trick that can make you feel inadequate less than worthy. The thing is, everyone has different things going on in their lives. None of us are on the exact same trajectory, and that's because we aren't supposed to be. This is why social media is the literal bane of my existence. It's easy to make your life look glorious when it's behind a glass screen. Those people who look like they've got their life all figured out most definitely don't. They struggle just like the rest of us. But unfortunately most people don't think about this. Instead they compare their life to the life of a celebrity, professional athlete, or social media influencer. This leads to depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts due to feelings of inadequacy. If the feeling of inadequacy is what makes me feel like I can never stop or be satisfied with my work, then I'm doing myself a disservice.

But there is a flip side - I haven't achieved my dream career yet. I haven't bought a house yet. There are still things on my to-do list, and they aren't going to complete themselves. Time spent relaxing is time not spent getting things that need to be done, done. I keep telling myself that I will relax when I'm stable. But will I ever be stable? Who knows, really. All I know is that I want to see continuous progress. That's what satisfies me. So, as long as I'm making progress, I'm doing all that I can do. It's important for a creator to keep this in mind.



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